Monday, November 2, 2009

How to Save a Relationship: 6 Steps to Saving Your Relationship

If you're wondering how to save your relationship, take a look at these simple steps you can take to getting your relationship back on track:

1.  Decide if the Relationship is Worth Saving

The first step you always have to take is to really look closely at your relationship and all the issues it may have.  Almost any relationship can be saved if you really work at it, but you need to decide if this one is worth saving.  Is it worth the amount of effort it will take to save?

2.  Commit to Saving Your Relationship

One of the most important steps that make up how to save a relationship is truly committing to saving that relationship.  Once you've come up with reasons why it deserves to be saved, then you and your spouse or partner have to both agree to put whatever it takes into making it work.

3.  Find the Root Problem in the Relationship

Take a good look at your relationship.  Look past the symptoms of the problems between you and find the problem itself.  For example, if you or your spouse or partner had an affair, most people tend to dwell on the affair itself as the cause of the relationship falling apart.  But in reality, an affair is simply a symptom of a problem that's much deeper like lack of intimacy or lack of reciprocal trust.

Dealing with the affair alone doesn't take care of the root of the problem and so other symptoms might emerge in the future.  Find the core issue and deal with it in order to save your relationship.

4.  Openly Communicate

After identifying the root issues in your relationship, open up and share your thoughts together.  Verbalize exactly how you're feeling and lend your ear to your spouse or partner and let them do the same.  Don't let their words hurt you or make you defensive.  Your job, as theirs, is just to listen while the other speaks.

5.  Come Up with a Plan Together

After you've decided on the relationship problems you want to tackle together, then sit down and come up with a detailed plan to solve them.  Make the steps you plan to take concrete and doable.  For example, if you feel you don't spend enough time together like you once did, then plan a weekly date night.  If the issue is communication or lack thereof, carve out 30 minutes every evening before you go to bed just to talk to each other.  Most importantly of course, is actually following through with this plan, so work with each other to stick to it.

6.  Be Realistic and Keep Your Sense of Humor

Finding out for yourself how to save your relationship is hard work and it's a continual process.  You might fall back a bit before you move forward.  Just know that you're doing this together and you will eventually figure it out.  Be open to change and to apologizing and try your best not to place blame on each other.  You're in this together because you want to save the relationship.  Anticipate both laughter and tears.

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