Friday, November 13, 2009

4 Steps for How to Understand and Save Your Troubled Relationship

Being in a trouble relationship is confusing and difficult.  Sometimes you simply feel like the relationship has run its course and whether it's even possible to save your relationship.  These feelings only serve to further stress and strain an already troubled relationship.

This can lead to feelings of guilt when you're experiencing mixed feelings about your once loving relationship.  There are certain things you should think about when you're trying to figure out how to understand the conflict and issues at hand in order to decide how to save your troubled relationship.

1.  Brainstorm What a Relationship Means to You

Think about what it is you want and need from a relationship.  These can be things as simple as fidelity and respect or as demanding as a specific amount of attention being paid.  Now think deeper.  Are there things you want from a relationship that enhances your life as a whole?  For example, do you wish your relationship helped you to grow emotionally?  Or do you want your relationship to bring excitement and romance to your life?  Do you want your partner to stimulate you intellectually or spiritually?

2.  Decide if Your Relationship Can Offer What You Need

After you create a detailed list of what an ideal relationship is to you, then go through each item one by one and try to decide which of those things your partner can provide and whether the relationship is something that truly helps you to thrive.  Think about the relationship continuing on the path it's on now. Try to imagine if you and your partner are capable of changing in such a way that the relationship is worth saving.  You both will need to participate in salvaging the relationship for it to work.

3.  Consider Spending Time Apart

Sometimes all you need is a little room to breathe and a little time to think about your relationship with a clear mind.  Taking the time to separate temporarily can provide you with the space you need.  Step back and spend some time alone in order to get your head together and evaluate your relationship well.  Often times, this time apart actually helps bring you both to a place where you remember what it is you love about each other.

4.  Imagine the Ending of Your Relationship

During your time apart, imagine what it would be like to end the relationship.  Try to think of the future. Are you actually better off without that partner?  Some relationships simply aren't meant to be and there's nothing wrong with that.  If you find yourself devastated at the thought of not being with your partner, then you will both need to be capable of working on saving your troubled relationship.  You will need to come up with a strategic plan to work things out and move the relationship forward.

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