Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Healing Yourself and Your Relationship Advice: 4 Simple Self Help Tips

Relationships can be very difficult and the truth is, sometimes the relationship itself is a cause for problems rather than something that brings out the best in us like it should be.

Whether you're just starting out or you've been in your relationship for a long time, it can make you feel better or worse about yourself and can be the root of serious self esteem issues.  All we really want is to have someone that will love us and make us feel good about ourselves, but often times this doesn't happen.

And in this case, you might be looking for healing yourself and your relationship advice in the form of self help tips.

1.  Don't Focus on the Past

It's natural to want to pinpoint the exact reason for your relationship problems, but the point is, they exist.  You have problems.  You need to put your effort towards solving them rather than trying to place blame on you or your partner by figuring out the cause of your issues.

It doesn't matter if it has something to do with the past or things that have lingered from early on in your life or your spouse or partner's life.  Don't exhaust yourselves because you never will find an answer.

2.  Work on Overcoming the Present Challenges

Your best strategy right now is working on trying to fix the relationship by working at the problems you know exist.  This can mean reading self-help books or trying out different self-help techniques.  You need to work on building up the relationship.

3.  Eliminate Criticism

Many couples resort to constantly criticizing each other when the pressure of a strained relationship gets to be too much.  Resist doing this, and resist internalizing any criticism that comes your way.  Talk out your issues rather than making snide remarks to each other because in the end, all it does is make you both feel less powerful than you are.

Don't use manipulation and don't turn your relationship into a power struggle.  It's not a war you want, so stop behaving like you're in one with your relationship.  Just don't let there even be fights to win or lose.

4.  Open Up and Communicate

Although it seems obvious, this is often overlooked.  When your relationship is on the rocks, the tendency is to argue with each other and try to point out where you're wrong or highlight your weaknesses.

Instead, talk out your problems and try to find common ground.  Listen to your spouse or partner's side of things and try to gain some perspective.  Then share your side with them.  Sometimes things that seem painfully obvious to one party needs to be articulated clearly to the other.

Often times you'll find a huge argument arose out of a simple misunderstanding that can be cleared up with some meaningful communication.  Discuss your expectations openly with each other and tell each other exactly what hurts you and what you need of them.  Then, do the same for them by lending your ear and attention.

When trying to heal yourself and your relationship, sometimes the simplest advice and tips can really work to repair the situation.  If your relationship is worth it, you really can move past talks of separation or divorce and actually work together to make each other better people and strengthen your relationship as you do so.

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